Blog # 22 Don’t float down the conveyor belt of “Conformity”. Take time to learn to “Not care so much about what other people think”, which can distract and limit your growth and accomplishments.

Often times the things that we see have been distorted by our brain through a mental process called Pareidolia.  Pareidolia is a tendency for perception to impose a meaningful interpretation on a nebulous stimulus, usually visual, so that one sees an object, pattern or meaning where there is none.  By learning to let go of what you think are other people’s opinions, you gain back your perspective without distortion.  This will open up possibilities and ideas that were either hidden or out of sight due to putting too much weight to what others think. 
I am not suggesting that you don’t discuss and seek the opinions of those you highly trust, but also standing on your right to decide what is best for you.  This is where we start with still loving yourself even if someone else does not.  It is ok to not have acceptance from everyone.  This allows you to not work so hard in order to get the approval of others.  Make your actions and deeds that criteria for acceptance without judging yourself. 
If this concept is new to you after years of approval seeking behavior, it will be a slow walk to your own path without worrying so much about what someone else might think.  Make your decision based on your own sense of fulfillment and not because it looks good on you.  This is a big bubble that needs to be popped in order to move to becoming your own judge and jury. 
Start to discover your strengths and love yourself.  Slowly learn that you don’t have to depend so much on others to lift you up when you are down.  The best way to get you up is to “get off the couch and do something”.  It is important to have a daily and weekly do list that can help with focusing on what needs to be done next and at the sometime you are feeding your self-esteem.  Self-esteem comes from doing.  Action proceeds motivation.  Motivation comes after the effort to accomplish something.  This process builds self-esteem and competence. 
Learn to be your own Judge.  Slowly learn that other people do not define you.  Slowly learn how to take back your power and move out of your bubble.  Trying to convince others who disagrees with you is futile.  Accept that you cannot change people’s opinions and that it is a waste of time to even try.  Actions will talk for you and there will be those who do see it and accepts it.  Make sure that you are not giving away your personal power in a reaction to others opinions of you. 
This process will help you to slowly realize that it is a lot easier when you take control back to live your life in a way that makes sense to you and no one else.  Take what other people say with a grain of self and move on with your day. 
One of the best gifts in life is failure, which is really “new knowledge” to put to use for our goals and growth.  Be who you are and “learn” from your mistakes.  Be who you are at all times.  No one outside of yourself can “fix you”.  Therapy (counseling) only helps your discover information about yourself, others, and the world.  However, what to do about it is up to you.  There is no “magic” or “short cuts”.  Having an on-going plan for achieving your goals will build your self-esteem and confidence even with set-backs and mistakes.  LEARN from them and you’ll get there!
There are numerous reasons people can get mad with you, especially when you are successful.  When I was expanding a specialty treatment program for a targeting youth population, I started to hear through the grapevine that several other professionals were being critical and negative regarding the program.   I did ignore it at first.  However, one state agency for youth corrections convinced an individual to apply for job in my treatment program for you purpose of trying to sabotage it and create chaos. It happened relatively quickly, so I contacted my attorney and we gave a notice to stop or face a law suit. 
This stopped the negative efforts and it opened up communication with the State agency to move past it as well as discussing what their clients need.  This action set a boundary, which is an important action to take with situations when other are trying to manipulate, bully, or even just distract you.  I was surprised to discover that “professional jealousy” exists in my profession.  I was totally shocked, but it was a reality I had to deal with periodically in both business and my personal life.
Sometimes people just stay with the flow without thinking outside the box.  When that happens, apparently, people take notice.  When I was growing my business one of the statements in the community about my specialized treatment program was it was growing faster than they thought it should.  However, after a few years some of the professional moved to a community close by and started their day treatment program for at risk youth.  This makes sense and a good example of how to expand your knowledge as influenced by a progressive professional by paying attention to what other colleagues are doing.  It is important in business to know who the client is.  The more you can target a specialized population, the less competition you will likely encounter. 
This example shows that some professionals can move on without the “resentment” of your success.  Another example that I experienced in my career happened after I got hospital privileges at a free-standing behavioral health treatment facility.  After a couple of years of referring clients to “residential” care I was approached  by the facility to accept a job developing a day treatment program in a community about 30 miles away.  It is so beneficial to be aware of programs around you and how you may have some opportunities in businesses related to your profession.  This is good example for other possibilities for your business no matter what it is.
One final example relates to receiving information to prepare for the possibility of selling my specialized treatment program for youth.  I was invited to attend training on preparing your company to sell and be acquired by a larger company.  The training provided an over view and an understanding of the process as well as ways to prepare an actively seek buyers, which was my goal.  I had already paid for an evaluation to determine the worth of my treatment program and company.  It was a good number that motivated me to move ahead. 
Sometimes the jealousy that some people have for you can undermine your efforts, however, if you stay alert to those who with admire or resent you, you can make efforts to educate and be inclusive with some of those individuals or groups.  Here are several things that can help with reducing the jealousy that can turn into possible aggression against you and/or you services.  Beware of your behavior to let some empathy for those jealous without feeling guilty or undeserving.  Don’t take the jealousy as personal.  It is not about you, it is about them and their own insecurities.
Don’t apologize or feel bad for your success.  Success is the best thing for you, your employees, and the world.  There will be many that in silence will learn from your mentoring and example of what can be done, if you have the knowledge, desire, and commitment to the goals necessary for success.    Do not attack the entity or person.  You do not want to empower them with your criticism.  It is better to ignore them.  Finally, if the situation is conducive you can encourage them with possible guidance, mentorship, and encouragement.  A self-confident coach seeks to bring the best out in people through their motivational words and coaching services.

​Blog # 23  Base your goals on what you desire as well as what you will become after accomplishing your goal.  There should be good things that happen for you from accomplishing the goal.  Remember to use the “smarts” that your life experience has given to you.
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